Akatsuki Leader
by Yami White Rain
Summary: [crack. oneshot.] The Akatsuki leader is Tenten?


Akatsuki Leader

By: (Yami) White Rain

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Summary: The Akatsuki is leader _Tenten?_

-

"Ready?" Naruto said to his team.

Sakura, Sasuke, Neji, Lee, Gai, Kakashi, Temari and Gaara all gave various forms of affirmative and Naruto opened the large, door and the light blasted through the darkness.

When Naruto's team blinked the light out of their eyes they were faced with Tenten sitting on a large throne with Itachi sleeping beside the throne, like a dog. Sasuke was too pleased with the image to go into a blind rage (although Sakura grabbed and held onto his arm tightly.)

"Well, well, well… It appears that you've killed the rest of the Akatsuki, and only me and Itachi remain. Let's fight," Tenten said, standing up.

"Is that really you, Tenten? I thought you were at home." Neji said.

Tenten huffed and blinked tears out of her eyes, "I'm surprised you even thought you knew where I was."

"We're the most wonderful team in all of Leaf, why wouldn't we know where you are?" Tears streamed down Gai's face, "Why did you go to the dark side Tenten?"

"Some team!" Tenten snapped and pointed at Neji, "You! I fucking got that your life sucked and the Main House sucked even more and that fate sucked most of all after the first one hundred rants. You ranted about it so much that I've got speeches memorized! And I can't forget them, damn it!"

She turned to face Lee, "And you, always vowing to protect the first pretty girl your eyes land on, but never once, did you ever look at me and do the same? No! Never! And your rivalry with Neji, frankly gets on my last nerves. Hear this; you're never going to beat him! Deal with it, bitch!"

Tenten's gaze then turned to her old teacher and she hissed, "And you! You're speeches on youth still haunt my nightmares. Along with your spandex. I am going to enjoy killing you three."

Neji, Gai and Lee stared at her as she smiled and breathed heavily. Clearly she'd been wanting to rant about that for years.

"Why didn't you ever speak up?" Neji said finally.

"Like you'd listen! You never even bothered to ask for my family name!" Tenten said and grabbed a handful of papers out of her cloak and threw them at Naruto's team.

"You have details on all of Neji, Lee and Gai's fighting strengths, weakness, clans, abilities and missions, and only a picture of Tenten with her name on it?" Sakura said, clicking her tongue. "For shame."

Rain clouds appeared over Neji, Gai and Lee as the rest of Naruto's team looked on them with pure disgust.

"And you had the nerve to lecture me about MY team, Gai," Kakashi said. He so miffed that he'd dropped his porn on the floor.

Rain poured down on the three jerks.

"Clearly, I had not other choice so but joint the dark side. So I created this organization in order to do my bidding. It's really a fucking shame that you never paid attention to me, as I'm stronger than even the one and only Uchiha Itachi." Tenten said.

Sasuke and Gaara were suddenly filled with the urge to hug Tenten, since they understood her pain. But they were both stoic, angsty, and withdrawn characters and that would be OOC and ruin their images.

"So, is Naruto going to fix her or are we going to kill her?" Temari said after a moment.

"I would be rather anti-climatic for the last battle to just have Naruto give an inspiring speech and fix her without any fighting at all," Sakura mused. "And frankly, not enough of us have been killed."

Before anyone could respond, Tenten growled took the whip out of her belt and twirled it around, and billions of sparkles twirled around her, obscuring her from vision. When they faded, she'd turned into a taller woman with spiked hair and swirly blue eyes.

"NEVER AGAIN AM I GOING TO BE OVERLOOKED AND TREATED LIKE A THROW-AWAY! YOU WILL ALL DIE!" She roared.

Itachi woke up, stared at her and said hopefully, "Do I get to kill, too?"

"No," Tenten said sweetly, "Go to my room, strip, and spread your legs. I'll be with you in an hour."

Itachi sulked and did as he was told.

"You sulk better, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said into Sasuke's ear, and tightened her grip on his arm. Sasuke perked up slightly and decided he'd kill Itachi after they dealt with Tenten.

"DIE!" Tenten screamed with so much force that her lungs exploded and she died.

Naruto walked over to the still form and checked to make sure Tenten was really dead and not powering up into a stronger form.

"She's dead."

A beat.

"Hot ninesome?" Temari asked.

"Only if Sasuke-bastard gets topped by everyone."

Sasuke sulked as everyone nodded in agreement. At least Itachi would –

Sadly, he couldn't finish that though, as his eight lovers began to molest him.


End file.
